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NOTE: I’m posting this based on my previous experiences. MY EXPERIENCES. This may or may not be applicable to you. And also, I swore I would let my fangirling self lie low this semester but I just realized that I CAN’T, I JUST CAN’T. So I’m posting this to remind me and for you to be able to gain some insights.

My friend once asked me, ‘how did you manage to be a fangirl and a student at the same time?’

First, let me introduce myself. I’m Christine Mae, a 3rd year college student majoring in Financial Management. I’m a student-fangirl, a student and a fangirl. STUDENT-FANGIRL. That’s inseparable, really.

Fangirling is my passion and profession. It’s not just a hobby, it’s already a part of my system. I don’t get why people always refer fangirling as something that can destroy you and your studies, like it’s a sinful vice that would destroy your entire life. I do believe that it depends upon the person. I treasure fangirling a lot, I treat it like a special talent that I need to continuously improve. And it’s something that I’m proud of.

 ‘Compete only with your best self.’ –anonymous

That’s what I always keep in mind. I don’t have to compete with other people, I only have to compete with my best self, a healthy competition. I consider my fangirling self as my imperfect but best self, and yes, Christine-the student & Christine-the fangirl are both in a constant battle.

My fangirling self can spazz 100x day, finish a drama in 2 nights, finish a long fic in a few hours, can download stuffs immediately and all and can stay up until 2am if needed.

My student self CAN’T even recite in class in one, CAN’T finish a project 2 nights, CAN’T even read 1 chapter of notes in a few hours, CAN’T understand lessons immediately, and CAN’T stay up until 2am for reviewing purposes.

See? This only shows that my fangirling self is in the lead right from the start. My fangirling self is already in a close-to-perfect condition so I won’t bother to change anything.

What about my student self? Will I just let my student self lose? NO.

My studies and scholarship are still important for me though. It’s how I make my parents feel proud and happy of me. I can be a mediocre person, but I chose to be not. Though I don’t strive for A++++ grades, I still want to have good and better grades. But how would I do that if I lack the inspiration and the drive? That’s why I can’t lose my fangirling self. It’s one of the things that keep me going.

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So here’s a few points I want to share and remind myself:

• KNOW YOUR LEARNING STYLE. We often hear this from our teachers before, but most of the time, we just tend to ignore it. THIS IS DEFINETLY USEFUL. I TELL YOU. Audio? Visual? What?

Lucky for me, I already discovered during my high school years so it came in handy in college. I’m an Audio-Visual learner, I do prefer to study on my own, and I have a photographic memory. Don’t think of this as a limitation and/or weakness, think of this as a strength and/or opportunity.

• When you’re already aware of your learning style, now it’s time to IMPLEMENT STUDY HABITS based on your learning style.

Since I don’t like to study outside the school after class hours (I’m lazy, y’all know that), my study habits are only applicable to class and lectures. Considering my learning styles, I:

• CHOOSE GOOD SEATS. I choose to sit in the center aisle/second row. Anywhere near the teacher and a seat that has a clear view of the blackboard.
• STUDY MY TEACHER. Yes, I study my teacher. Is that weird? This is a tip. The first month of the semester is crucial. It’s my study month. I study my teacher, their personalities, and teaching styles, how they grade their teacher, etc. When you know how your teacher does his own thing, you can easily keep up with him/her.
• LISTEN ATTENTIVELY and JOT DOWN NOTES. You really can’t talk to me during discussions, you just can’t. Since I don’t study at home, it’s important that I learn/understand the discussions. I need to see and hear the person teaching us, and I have to jot down the important notes. There are ways to effective take down notes and can say that it’s pretty useful. Since I’m a visual learner with a photographic memory, I MUST write down the important parts I want to remember. If I can write it, I can remember it. Even when reading, I still need to take down notes.

These are my study habits, I study while in class, not after class. So classmates, when I tell you I didn’t study, I REALLY DIDN’T.

• DIGEST EVERYTHING YOU CAN DURING LECTURES AND DISCUSSIONS.

For me, learning during classes is much better than studying during nighttime or during your free time. Try to convince yourself that you need to learn/understand that lesson. If you can, then you’re good to go. But remember, understand the concept, analyze everything, don’t rely on universal definitions of things, don’t just rely on given formulas, ask yourself WHY? How did they formulate that formula? What’s the connection between this and that? If you can fully understand the concept, you can answer problems that has been twisted and turned by your evil professors. If you can explain it in your own words, then, you have fully understood it.

• THINK ABOUT YOUR INSPIRATIONS/ YOUR GOALS/ YOUR MISSION. You’re not in school for nothing. Yes, education is a must in our society but you can still opt not to. Why are you in college?

For me, I’ll be honest; I want to conform to the society. I’m in college because it’s a requirement. MY PARENTS. They’ve been working hard just to send me to school. I don’t help out in the business, and this is the only way that I can repay them. It’s my tribute to them. I don’t want them to have a good-for-nothing child. I took this course because of them, because its what they want. I had a choice, and I chose to obey my parents. Lastly, my fangirl self plays an important role too. My parents are tolerating my fangirl activities because I’m doing well in school. If I fail in school, my fangirling self would be doomed. Remind yourself.

• PRAY. College isn’t easy, but God has always been there for us. Don’t just pray when ‘all else fails’, pray every time. Praying is our way of communicating with God. And GOD is the only one who can help us. Thank Him. Ask Forgiveness. Ask for His guidance.

I’ve always believed in the power of prayer, it’s the ONLY thing that helped me throughout college. I always thought that it’s a mystery how I managed to maintain my scholarship for 2 years and to be a part of the Dean’s List for two semesters, and on how I survived those 2 cruel, and not easy years. But no, it’s not a mystery. GOD was there, and He will always be. Only Him can help us. ONLY HIM.

ASSESS YOURSELF. Not with your grades, but with your own understanding. Ask yourself. Did I learn something? Did I?

If there’s one thing I learned in college is that your grades MAY/MAY NOT really reflect your own standing. There are teachers who are generous; there are teachers who are not. There are those so-called-teachers who only gives you handouts, laughs with you, give you good grades but didn’t actually impart some knowledge, and there are teachers who are terror, who gives out really low grades, but somehow have taught a lot of things which you can use even after college. So don’t compare your grades with other people. Sometimes, even though you have lower grades, but you have learned a whole lot more.

HAVE FUN IN LEARNING. COLLEGE IS JUST A CHALLENGE. LEARN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. HAVE FUN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. NO ONE IS DUMB, JUST LAZY ONES. EVERYONE CAN SURVIVE. GOD IS WITH US. FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT.

On being a fangirl and a student, my 2 years in college was a proof that being a student-fangirl isn’t impossible. They say fangirling is a wall, but you can always push this wall to become a bridge. (Am I right?lol) 

Hopefully, I can maintain this. A balance. If I did it before, I hope I can do it again.

If there’s a will, there’s a way.

One of the main reasons why I chose this path (Financial Major) is my friends. Most of my friends are taking this up too. You’d probably think that I’m stupid for just tagging along with my friends, but I tell you, my friends are an important part of my college life. It’s something that I proved after 14 years in school and it’s something that I learned from Dream High 2.

When Yoo Jin asked Rian why she chose to be with a team rather than doing individual activities and if she’s already giving up, here’s what she said:

“Because we are friends. Being able to walk ‘til this path, it is all thanks to my friends support… It’s not giving up, it’s making a choice.”

-Rian, Dream High 2, 2012

And that’s exactly what I feel right now.

God sent me these amazing people to guide and support me. They are my friends that I can lean on, friends that I can trust, friends that are willing to help, and friends that believes in my capacity.

Days from now, June 4, Monday, to be exact, I’d be bidding goodbye to my happy fangirling days. School starts this Monday, and guess what? I’m on my junior year in college and I took the hardest ‘major’ for my course: Financial Management. I had three choices, I was confident about the other two, (Marketing and Business Economics) but I still don’t know why I took the hardest. My lowest grade last sem was from my Basic Finance subject, so why the hell am I taking Financial Management as my major? Family and peer pressure maybe? Monday’s going to be the start of my  hopefully-not-hell-like-last-two-years-college, and hopefully I graduate on time.

I am afraid. Yes, I am. I’ve never been this afraid.

The choice I made last Tuesday will surely affect me for the rest of my life. And I have to face some issues too.

1. FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT IS HARD. Yes, it is. I took up a pre-requisite subject last semester, and I tell you, it bored me to death. Yes, I could catch up during lectures, Yes, I could answer some problems during exams BUT I couldn’t understand anything. I couldn’t even link all the lessons together. Would you believe me if I said I just usually sleep during class hours? Not just that, the grades too. I’ve seen some of my senior’s grades for finance posted outside the faculty room before and it was all like… C,D,F, it was so hard looking for students who got B grades or even B-.

2. SCHOLARSHIP. I’m a full scholar in the university I’m currently attending. I don’t pay for my tuition and matriculation, Lucky? Blessed. But there’s also a price I have to pay. I have a minimum QPI requirement in order to pass and I shouldn’t have any failing marks. The first 2 years was okay, low QPI requirements plus easy minor subjects, it wasn’t that bad. But now, I’m on my third year, my QPI requirement goes up plus the oh-so-freaking-hard major subjects. Though my parents can afford to send me to school without scholarships, I still need to maintain this. It’s how I repay my parents for all their hardwork. It’s also an add-on for my records later when I graduate. Isn’t it great if you apply for a job and they’ll look at your records, they’d find out that you’re a scholar throughout your college life? Plus! It’s the only reason why my parents are tolerating the fangirl side of me.

3. FANGIRLING. Fangirling has been a big part of me since then. Even if I go to school, I don’t sacrifice fangirling that much. In the past 2 years, I’ve managed to do both, and last semester, I mastered it. BUT now, I’m starting to lose hope. Can I still manage to balance both? Or what if I’d just do my regular fangirling stuffs but can I still get good grades? And if I lie low as a fangirl, can my heart take it? The thought of being on a hiatus is just freaking me out.

4. IRRESPONSIBLE LAZY ASS. I know I’m irresponsible and lazy. And please don’t blame my fangirling self. To be honest, even if I’m not a fangirl, I’d rather sleep/eat/do nothing than open my notes/books to study. I can’t even manage my time efficiently. That’s why I’m afraid, can I make myself study and be responsible?

To simplify it, FINANCE IS HARD, and if I’d keep on being an IRRESPONSIBLE LAZY ASS, I’d lose my SCHOLARSHIP and disappoint my parents, which will eventually lead to giving up my FANGIRLING life.

But what can I do? I’ve already enrolled myself. I’d just have to accept this and think of it as a challenge. Not just academically but also to improve myself. I know I’d have to grow up and be responsible. Plus, with my friends and family around, I know I can do this. And I know I have God, He’s always been with me, and I know He always will. He kept me going all throughout these years, and I’d just have to trust in Him.

So hello Junior year! Hello Finance! With a positive mind, I’m looking forward to a great year. I don’t know what will the outcome be, but I know that I’d be learning from this experience.

[LATE POST] It was definitely a tough semester for me. I enrolled late so I was on a different block with my friends (Thank God Cecille agreed to be in the same block with me since we were ‘neighbors’ during the encoding of schedules.HAHAHA). I hated it since I don’t really want to go back to that ‘getting-to-know-your-new-classmates’ stage again. I am lazy in so I had to rely on Cecille for schedules of quizzes and activities. (Oh… how would I survive without Ces.lol)

I am lucky so have some awesome and upright teachers, where you can really learn and get a grade that you really deserve. (Well, except for one though). I kept on complaining how demanding my teachers are and that I couldn’t understand anything but after 5 months, I realized I really did learn a lot. I actually envied some of my friends from others classes who had teachers that were really generous when it comes to grading (hey! They got an A when in fact I had higher RAW SCORES than them! They got exempted for their final exams but our Marketing Plan was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more difficult!) I was actually really bitter but I couldn’t do anything.

I also had a sucker schedule because of my 6pm class. Hello. Who wants to study at night?

My midterm grades were fine, I passed all my subjects and reached my ‘scholar grade’. But just like what I said to my counselor, ‘I’m not contented with my grades’ and ‘I’d try harder after midterms’ but before I knew it, it was already finals week. And heck yeah I didn’t remember anything from the after-midterms discussion nor did I do well in my quizzes. I was REALLY disappointed with myself. 

Finals week came and I didn’t even bother to really study. (Hello! WGM rewind + WGM: Teukso + Dream High 2 + Big Bang on Running Man) who would want to study when all of those are available and your internet was fast? HAHAHAHA

The only subject that I studied for was Financial Management. Yes. I spent 5 hours in KetKai reading my Finance book. But for the rest? Nah. I only reviewed for Math and forgot about the rest. I didn’t listen to my Finance teacher nor did I took notes of the discussions and Math was kinda confusing for me.

The rest of the subjects? HAHAHAHA. Please. I really had no idea how to answer them. I was really disappointed with my RS, Philo, Math, and Econ exams. I swear I haven’t read a single handout for RS. (I tried but I couldn’t understand a thing.) And Philo too! Plus! Instead of T or O, I wrote T or F. Fuuuuuuuuuuudge. I was confident before I took my Math exam but that confidence was crushed after. Hello! I didn’t read the choices for multiple choice and they’ve got 2 problems only for the problem solving. The heck. And for Econ, oh boy… I only had 5-10 sure answers there. But I was pretty confident with my Finance, Accounting and Marketing exams. Heeeeehehehehehe =)

Our grades were released last week and I wasn’t really expecting much. Although I prayed for better grades, I thought I didn’t really did my part ( Nasa Diyos and awa, nasa tao and gawa). BUT GOD DIDN’T JUST GAVE ME GOOD GRADES BUT BETTER GRADES!!!!!!

I’m actually the type of girl who will give up her sleep for fangirling matters but not for studying. So how did I manage to pass and get good grades while being a full-time fangirl?

I’ve read a book before about how to survive college life and a part there says that it is important to know yourself and develop your own study habit. Everyone has their own way of studying and it’s not really good to just copy other’s study habit. What kind of a learner are you? Visual? Audio?

As for me, I don’t really study during quizzes and exams. But it is important for me to listen and jot down notes during lectures. It is also important for me to see the lecturer. That’s why during class hours, I tend to sit where I can clearly see and hear my instructor and I also avoid talking to my seat mates. When I sleep/talk during discussions, I pretty sure I’d be in big trouble!

I also know I have a photographic memory (I discovered that since high school kinda used it in a bad way. I know. I’m regretting it. hahahaha) that’s why I make sure I jot down everything I think is important. If I can write it down, then I have 50% chance that I can remember that during quizzes.

Think about your inspiration too. Why are you studying? For whom? How would they feel if you failed? Motivation.

COMPETITION is good too. Healthy competition. I have friends who had a bet… and I think they used that as motivation. Me too. I have a competition with myself. My opponent? My fangirl self. I actually don’t see fangirling as an obstacle in studying, it’s my motivation. I’d tell myself, ‘I spent the whole day watching _______ or spazzing for _______. With that, I should score high for quiz tomorrow or else I’d stop watching.’ Of course, I don’t to give up my fangirling duties, so I try really hard to achieve high scores.

But what’s really the secret?(It’s not a secret actually) PRAYER. Yes. I do believe in prayers. I always believe that only God can help me. Not my teacher, my classmate nor myself, only HIM. <3